in a previous post, i answered a survey question this way:

1. What one quality is most important to you in a friend?
    genuinely concerned about you

***

in the past eight years, i went through three major fall outs from relationships with my closest guy friends. (b,re, & ro. there's w too but i never really considered him as one of my close friends. he's part of the story but i wouldn't line him up with the three i earlier mentioned.)

***

a few days ago, one of my friends commented: (rephrased version)maybe it's a pattern. maybe you're not able to determine which topics are too sensitive to delve into. (although, i believe he was only refering to the skirmish involving b and w.)

***

maybe.

especially on the one concerning w. that was really bad judgment and a decision made in bad taste. and i apologized and suffered the consequences. (parang gloriagate scandal...;) hehehe)

BUT that wasn't really the case with b. that was an entirely different story because we were very close friends. we were like best friends. we just never called each other that. so if the topic was too sensitive for w, i could agree. but for b, nah. definitely, things happened not because i was insensitive. i do not deny that it caused discomfort and that i was not blind to the fact that it was, indeed, going to cause us to be a little ill at ease, but only because during a conversation that took place in strictest confidentiality, in the comfort of our own homes, we were face-to-face with the truth that could have been difficult to admit at that time, probably also because we were both very young then. only because it was honest and forthright. but i believe that people who truly care for each other must be able to talk about things that are truly important even if they might be uncomfortable to talk about. (but mind you, he was not coerced to share anything. i asked, he answered. then when i woke up the following day, it was like i missed a whole chunk of the conversation...) i strongly believe that if a person genuinely cares for another, he or she will point out matters that are disagreeable even when there is a possibility of someone getting hurt, if he or she knows that giving it a shot will help the person somehow (or even greatly). it isn't an assurance that the person will accept it as legitimate truth and act on it. but that's beside the point. you give it a shot in the hope that you have helped make the decision more informed. not because the person is helpless and you do not trust him to know between right or wrong. but because you acknowledge the possibility that people who are trapped in a difficult situation may not be able to see everything as clearly as someone who is looking at the situation from an objective point of view.

(siyempre, those who know the real story will notice that i have digressed big time. hehehe. but i'm consistent with the point of contention that is introduced in the first few lines of this post. ;))


case in point, i appreciate what a friend did for me a few months ago. he sat me down and we had a good long talk. he pointed out some things that he believes i had been doing wrong. that i was totally looking at things with rose-colored glasses (or sometimes even blinders. hehehe). knowing him, he was sincere, genuinely concerned. knowing me, good 'ol stubborn me, i disagreed. knowing us, we argued. for like... forever. hahahaha. di nga.. maybe... for 2 hours in eastwood, and maybe...50 hours all in all, in a span of 13 months. hheheh. we argued for hours. we raised our voices (and each other's blood pressure) a little (not enough for the guards to think they needed to intervene or anything ;)) but at the end of the day, i loved him for it. i even thanked him afterwards: "you really have a way of telling me what's wrong with me and making me see the ugliest realities in my life without me hating you for it. you're really one of the most beautiful people i know." what transpired during that conversation, although we spoke about ugly things, helped me like myself better. i felt loved. knowing that someone who had seen all these was right there, loving me inspite of- and despite-. he cared enough to put up with my being difficult just to get through to me. such patience! hehehe.

another friend i had a conversation with a few days ago about my ex and how he has affected me greatly. he said some things that were very straightforward and honest. they hurt a little, because they were true, but i did not mind at all, because it was said with sincerity. i totally appreciated it. i told him jokingly, "where were you 5 years ago?" but really, if he told me those things 5 years ago, things would have been a lot different. i would've made more sensible decisions. classic case of blinded by the emotions kinda thing. and that would not have been meddling, in my honest opinion. that would have been caring enough to not allow a person you care for to lose without a chance of putting up a good fight.

at the end of the day, it's a matter of what your beliefs are. some would say it's not one's responsibility to look after one's friends that way. or that it would be better not to "meddle". or people have limitations.

at the end of the day, i know that i will always gladly risk my own comfort or comfort zone, if i may call it, to love someone i genuinely care about. and if loving them means knowing the painful truth and telling the truth, then i would always choose that over saving myself and my own face. in this case, "forever holding my peace" does not apply. :)

*****

i won't talk about re anymore. he was hurt and needed healing and by affinity, i had to be included in his list of people he had to shut out from his life for seven years. yes, seven. seven friggin years. ;)

i won't talk about ro either. not worth it.

well, at least right now, we're all good. thank god.